That’s not Chapstick

Q and her husband are expecting. As a result, they’ve had a lot of important discussions about their wee one. The most recent discussion revolved around the looks of the child. Q’s husband suggested there is a chance the child could be ugly.

Now Q and her man are attractive, so his comment might seem strange if it weren’t for the fact that a lot of really beautiful people are made by some rather unattractive donors (with sweet inner souls, I’m sure). Being Q’s friends we advised her she’ll know right away if her child is ugly just by looking at her (yes, she’s having a girl). Next sign that she’s ugly, these types of comments, “Oh, your baby is so, um, young,” or “You’re stopping at one, right?”

V told Q she thought for sure they switched babies on her in the hospital because the child she birthed looked nothing like the attractive child they returned to her room several hours later. A quick comparison of the hospital bracelets and V discovered she, a beautiful woman, can also make beautiful children. Just lucky I guess.

It was winter when I had my daughter. Living in a cold, dry and snowpacked town my lips were slightly chapped. I mentioned this to my midwife and he suggested using some of my amniotic fluid on my lips. That’s right, the “water just broke” fluid that protects the fetus. Apparently, it can double as a lip protectant. Unfortunately, it’s only available for a limited time.

Although I remembered my midwife’s advice when my water broke, I opted to deal with the chapped lips. This decision had nothing to do with any sort of amniotic fluid on my lips aversion. It’s just, once you’ve reached that point, the only thing you can think about is whether or not your baby will be attractive.